I am the Straw Guide.  Your personal advisor in the confusing milieu of soda straws.  This website is your on-line Straw Guide for handy reference to look up an establishment to see if it's straw has been rated.   

I first noticed that I got a large glass of Diet Coke at a favorite Tex-Mex place but the straw was barely sticking up above the rim.  Then it struck me at Whataburger that the straw was just right for the jumbo cup and lid.  An irritating inconsistency in the world was occurring.  Maybe the managers didn’t know because they never ate in their own establishments; or worse, too many places just didn’t care about a proper match between their soft drink containers and the straws they provided.  Once noticed, this mismatch became an obsession until one evening, at one of our favorite local pizza joints, Straw Guide emerged from my inner vigilante spirit.  That straw was just too short, too thin, too narrow.  I gave it a 3, and the rating scale was launched. 

Official ratings followed quickly. 

Then I met Goldilocks. Yes, the fifth generation Goldilocks.  When you read her story, you’ll realize that I’m not at all unusual in my quest for perfect straws. 

So, I trust you will enjoy and benefit from this Straw Guide website.  As the Straw Guide, I will always seek to inform you of the appropriateness of the straws at establishments where you might buy soft drinks.

These are my personal opinions on straws.  You can use these to form your own.  I attempted to compose my comments in the heat of the moment soon after experiencing each straw in action. 

I must confess, I do not like germs.  Totally and completely forget any unwrapped straw offered standing up in a dispenser.  That also makes me adverse to straws delivered to me by hand, unwrapped, or already in a glass.  That little trick of sliding the straw into the drink but leaving the end of the wrapper on the tip doesn’t impress me.  I try to believe that the server held the straw only by the remaining wrapper fragment.  Really?  Sometimes I can’t get the image out of my mind of someone back in the kitchen with a pile of naked straws and a slew of wrapper ends trying to fit them back on again. 

Those “single-straw dispensers” that you press down on and out rolls an unwrapped straw onto the holder are the pits.  Forget it if there is already a straw sitting there.  Why is it there already?  Did someone put it back?  Did it roll around on the counter and then get returned?  Did two roll out and that one got picked up barehanded by a stranger and replaced?  IF I set it aside and tap down to dispense a “fresh” straw, (in reality, I would throw it away to ensure it’s not returned to the dispenser by the owner) I can’t help wondering about the sanitary condition of the holders that catch it.  No need here to discuss my opinion of toothpicks, is there? 

I’m also unimpressed with bendy straws.  I really like them, but not for serious soda sipping.  A “Just Right” straw has to be thick enough and big enough around, which precludes having accordion ribs that can also hang the straw up on the edge of a glass or snag it on the lid of a cup. 

I remember pulling two straws out of the glass, metal-topped dispenser on the drug store soda fountain counter.  Two straws were needed because one was too small for a thick milk shake, and because they were made out of paper.  Once they got soaked, they began to collapse.  Nobody uses two straws these days even for shakes.  However, the secret behind the places with the best straws is that they also serve shakes, and they don’t want to stock and manage the dispensing of multiple types of straws for shakes and for sodas.  So, thanks to you sweet-toothed milkshake-drinking, run off 6,000 calories in a day young-uns, I get a long, thick straw for my soda at fast food joints. 

This brings us to a rule of thumb that should have been obvious from the beginning.  If there’s a drive-through window, then the straws are more likely to be long and thick.  If there’s silverware on the table, the straws are more likely to be thin and weak.  If there’s a bartender, have a beer.  

Do I have a mission in all of this?  Yes!  I want every eatery, both fast and elegant, to provide the proper straw for the occasion.  That isn’t very difficult.  Maybe the buyer for dining room supplies needs to partake of a drink served in the largest size container on the menu.  Maybe more places need to adopt Dairy Queen’s championship style and have two types of straws.  Maybe some managers need to look out in the dining room and see patrons running their fingers along the inside of their glasses to pull up their straws high enough to lip lock them. 

My mission will be complete when I can leave my straw in the glove compartment no matter whether I drive up to or through my eating establishment.